Sarcastic

December is already to the end.
December is diamonds.
December is the most labile month ever.
December is temperamental.
December is lovely.
December is busiest month ever.
December is the most drama of all month.



With all of bittersweets that i through this year, i founded out that: I'm still on hiatus.
Goodbye 2012 and all of the bittersweets inside 'em, i'm not going to make any stupid resolution.

Jogja

Who(re) named Adani.

According to my older bullshits, i realize that i actually still not moving on. Its been a years and i still crying for unimportant things, get easily dissapointed of simple thing, failing in love, heartbreaks, dissapointed again.

Make a simple thing into complicated, oversensitive whore who understand that she is missed the old her but keep doing those fuck things.

I do really on my way to find this girl and her happiness again.

Get well soon, Adani. You'll deserve what you have to get.
Someday.

Just some shits

Senyum. Rubah suatu kesalahan menjadi suatu hal yang benar. Rubah suatu keterlanjuran menjadi suatu hal yang layak diperjuangkan. Rubah suatu penyesalan menjadi suatu hal yang pantas untuk dibuktikan. Buat sugesti. Buka lebar prediksi, bahwa semua hal bisa diubah dan diperbaharui.

Senandung Maaf

Terima kasih atas hari hari Agustus yang menyimpan kenangan begitu hebat.
Terima kasih atas kata kata yang pernah terucap untuk saya.
Terima kasih atas kata kata pesan singkat yang selalu anda balas dengan senang hati, mungkin.
Terima kasih atas sikap yang pernah anda lakukan kepada saya, yang tak henti membuat saya tersenyum sepanjang hari.
Terima kasih atas surat cinta diklat yang anda bilang agak aneh, lalu kemudian anda bacakan sendiri.
Terima kasih atas hal hal kecil yang anda berikan saat diklat, yang tidak akan pernah pupus di memori saya, mungkin sampai kapanpun.
Terima kasih atas senyum dan tawa yang anda perbuat, meskipun itu tidak ditujukan kepada saya.
Terima kasih atas nama saya yang anda kenal, yang pernah anda panggil dan ucapkan.
Terima kasih atas air mata yang tak sengaja saya buat demi anda, karna perasaan yang terlampau jauh terpikirkan secara berlebihan.
Terima kasih untuk segalanya, yang terbuat sejak pertama kali saya melihat sorot mata anda, yang menenangkan.

Saya tau ini akan memendam luka, karna memang itu yang akan saya lalui setiap kali saya melihat anda kembali. Tapi tipu daya tidak akan berhasil, terlebih kepada diri saya sendiri. Berpura pura tidak akan pernah mengobati.

Saya menghargai apa yang anda rasakan, dan saya percaya sekuat apapun anda maupun saya berusaha, anda tidak dapat berbohong pada diri sendiri. Tidak ada apapun yang perlu dipaksakan, tunggu dan kejar ia sampai kapanpun yang anda mampu.

Dan saya akan melakukan hal yang sama, menunggu anda sehingga semua yang pernah saya ucap dan rasakan itu benar benar nyata adanya.

Dan hingga tidak terdefinisi deskripsinya.

34.

Yang tersayang senior, seandainya anda tahu bahwa Patreta sudah menjadi bagian terbesar dalam hidup nya walaupun baru sebentar saja ia melalui semua yang ada. Seandainya anda tahu bahwa menjadi bagian dari Patreta adalah salah satu dari obsesi terbesarnya jika ia dinyatakan diterima di Smansa. Seandainya anda tahu bahwa ia sadar Patreta telah berpengaruh besar terhadap atmosfir masa SMA nya yang baru.

Yang tersayang senior, seandainya anda tahu bahwa menghadiri setiap acara kumpul dan sharing merupakan suatu hal yang selalu ingin ia lakukan dengan senang hati. Seandainya anda tahu bahwa dari awal ia memulai atmosfir hingga saat ini orang orang seperti anda lah yang selalu mengisi keseharian nya.

Yang tersayang senior, seandainya anda tahu bahwa ia sangat merindukan euforia Ramadhan yang diisi dengan latihan intensif dan keakraban. Seandainya anda tahu bahwa ia sangat merindukan canda tawa dan kegembiraan yang luar biasa yang tercipta selama euforia pengibaran. Seandainya anda tahu bahwa ia sangat merindukan keakraban yang ia rasa mulai tercipta meskipun menurut orang lain itu bukan etika yang pantas. Seandainya anda tahu bahwa keakraban euforia pengibaran adalah kesenangan yang tulus dari diri nya yang sebenarnya.

Yang tersayang senior, seandainya anda tahu bahwa saat ia memilih untuk terjun ia telah menemukan seseorang yang berarti. Seandainya anda tahu bahwa saat terjun ia telah menemukan seseorang yang melihat dan berbicara kepada nya dengan sorot mata tenang. Seandainya anda tahu bahwa seseorang yang tenang itu adalah seseorang, dari anda.

Yang tersayang senior, seandainya anda tahu bahwa kata kata malam itu masih membekas. Benar benar jelas membekas. Benar benar jelas di lubuk hati dan benak, seakan baru terjadi kemarin sore. Membekas, sampai sekarang.

Yang tersayang senior, seandainya anda tahu bahwa ia telah mulai menjadi diri orang yang asing. Seandainya anda tahu untuk merubah sorot mata anda terhadapnya ia telah menjadi orang lain.

Seandainya anda tahu bahwa menjadi orang selain diri sendiri itu menyesakkan.

Yang tersayang senior, seandainya anda tahu bahwa canda dan tawa yang dapat kita cipta bisa ia ingat sampai kapanpun. Seandainya anda tahu bahwa ia sangat ingin berbaur dan membangun chemistry yang baru, dengan cara yang mungkin benar. Tanpa mengubah dasar ia seperti apa.

Yang tersayang senior, seandainya anda tahu bahwa ia tidak ingin menjadi orang yang gugup gempita dan takut kepada anda, bukan segan.

Yang tersayang senior, seandainya anda tahu bahwa sederhananya, ia tidak ingin berbuat kesalahan dan mengecewakan seperti ini.

Yang tersayang senior, maaf karena ia telah menjadi junior terburuk yang pernah anda temui. Seandainya anda tahu bahwa ia hanya berusaha untuk menjadi yang terbaik. Meskipun untuk kadar terbaik itu belum cukup untuk anda.

Yang tersayang senior, ia minta maaf. Mungkin setelah ini ia akan menjadi junior yang tidak terlihat.

"Saya tunggu engkau
Saya tunggu engkau
Rupanya, engkau forget to me"


Selamat Ulang Tahun Patreta, semoga kehadirannya tidak merusak citra yang sudah lama tercipta.

Prelude.

Sadar,dan. Semua tugas terbengkalai, nyontek, semua tugas tidak selesai. Tugas tugas tidak maksimal, nyontek, ulangan selalu ga siap. Rame, blacklist, nyontek lagi, ulangan remedial semua. Paskibra dan osis menyenangkan namun menyita sebagian besar waktu. Salah jalan dan faham dengan orang tua, setiap hari pulang maghrib, nyontek lagi. Bukannya malah jadi junior baik di Paskibra, malah melakukan banyak kesalahan. Capek hati dan batin, lebih dari semuanya.

Wake up, queen. You lost everything.

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Langit bukannya selalu kelam
Setidaknya, mereka mencoba merubah cara pandangnya

Anxiety

I just, ran of words to say how much i'm complicated with pre High School things.

White Wine

I'm graduated.

The Announcement

I realize that my deepest heart still wondering and made an expectations, and this heart is lil bit dissapointed cause the reality didn't say so. Yes, that's why i always hate expectations. I already trying hardly for not thinking any random thoughts but yeah, i'm only a person with full of expectations. But i know, God always knows my best. Always. And i'm speechless now, and so thankful for the result. That's it. That's all i can say.

I passed my Ujian Nasional with felicity tears fell down. For the first time, i feel that i'm not crying for useless thing.

Alhamdulillah.

Malang Tempo Dulu

                           

Vintage stuff are just so cute. Toooo cute.

Samson (05-24, 2012)

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth
I have to go, I have to go..

Confession

Cried all night ‘til there was nothing more 
What use am I as a heap on the floor? 
Heaving devotion but it’s just no good 
Taking it hard just like you knew I would 


Old habits die hard 
When you’ve got 
When you’ve got a sentimental heart 
Piece of the puzzle you’re my missing part 
Oh, what can you do with a sentimental heart? 
Oh, what can you do with a sentimental heart?




...your mellow and somehow-so-me lyrics. Oh i love you She & Him.

Senja Menggila

( The title was her favorite song by White Shoes & The Couples Company)

Just to inform you, i love you more than you ever knew. I wish i still Adani whom you talked about at your blog.

Happy Birthday full time jazz lover.

I found you, Gamaliel & Audrey

Nothing more cool than this creative accapella, from my favorite singers. Ever.

Nevasca.

Malang, Sunday, May 13, 2012.

01:00 AM.

Wind blows through my body. Cold yet so amazing. For me, feel a simple thing which sometimes people didn't realize is just so amazing.

Being satisfied at some things people never cares made something different for me. Yes here i am, feel so happy with windblows and seeing traffic lights on a quiet streets. I was on my way to home after had an event called Nevasca.

Abdul & The Coffee Theory really made my night. I still can not believe that i could hear Abdul's real voice which is not from the tv or my ipod. And also saw him just few meters. I still remembered how i sang along with him when he sang Happy Ending,Loveable,Beauty is You,Ku Cinta Kau Lebih dari Kemarin,Agar Kau Mengerti,Lagi Lagi Kamu, and Aku Suka Caramu. It was just happened few seconds ago. Argh how could he makes me so melting like this...

And a little accident happened. My friend that would pick me up unfortunately went home early, and didn't told me early cause her empty battery's phone. Shite. You have to know how i feel utterly confused with who i would go back home. Damn panic. It just hard to describe like what, and i don't want to explain it clearly though if i can do. But Allah hears my pray and never let me alone and pathetic. Instantly i saw my neighbor walked along, so i ran to him and said what happened. And he pick me me up to my home. Alhamdulillah. I'm being grateful more than anything.

01:30 AM.

I arrived home safely alhamdulillah. I lil bit scared when the door is locked but suddenly my mother open the door and said "come in, change your clothes and sleep as soon as posible."

01:58 AM.

I'm writing this and have no idea what would happen in the morning. What my father would says either my mom.

02:01 AM.

I'm yawning. I think i would do tahajud and pray for good things to come.

Cause i'm feeling like count on my fingers how many hours the war would be starts.

A cold yet killing war.

Surabi Imut

                         

The only persons who make me laughed with afraid face, cause i almost lost my handphone. Rifan also count, and credit to him for taking this pictures. Thank you ♥

Sunday Morning

First time trying to make oreo red velvet cake at Ine's house. Kinda messy,but it taste better! :)

Fourth Try Out.

Lets start this happy or maybe unhappy post with good news and bad news. Good news are,i've done my Ujian Nasional alhamdulillah. And the bad one i dont feeling like i'm doing Ujian Nasional. Yes. While everyone is stressed out and depressed thinking about theirselves i'm just here relax and feeling like oh well i dont have to be that complicated and having that terrible faces cause i'm just doing fourth try out.

But the fact is, there is not fourth try out that my city held. It is only three times.

Yes,once again, i dont feeling like i'm doing Ujian Nasional. I'm just slow and relax. Too slow and relax. I already told my mom what is going on with me but my mom just says that even good cause you can control your emotions for not stressed out cause that could makes you blank while you answer the quetions. I dont know, maybe she is just trying to entertain me cause i'm feeling like unormal with this slow-relax things. But i keep study,of course.

And now, i will tell you the impacts,i think ._. Starts with monday,Bahasa Indonesia does not really cheer me up. Well-people-said that Bahasa Indonesia is kind of subjects that seems easy but if you're not reading the text for a million times and not careful enough,you die. Well i prove that, it almost always happened to me. When i answer all of the questions as well its not makes me down after my friends ask me which package i've got and ask what is my answer for some numbers. This is might sounds usual but once my answer and my friend's are different, that was really sucks! for a God sake that is much hurts me. I dont know, heared my friends's answer was different with mine just makes me unconfident and wondering how much my mistakes would be.

English does more bad. Such a nightmare! It is more hard than i expected. Ever.I confidently feel that i could do better and English was my golden chance to get a highest point but it dissapeared for a second. I crying along my way to home realize that i cant get my 10,00 score for english. I feel like it slowly burns my Mitreka Satata dreams and just a second my random thought came back over my mind.

Math. For the first time i feel like math seems like Bahasa Indonesia. I count the questions as usual and find the answers just like the option but i keep wondering until now whether my answers are true or not. And back to that craps different answers with my friends again. Oh God i think i shouldn't answer what my friends been asking or it'll be just makes me dissapointed cause i feeling like with a different answers with my friends means that i've mistakes.

Science. Go to hell. its not slowly burns like English does but its ALREADY grabbed my Mitreka Satata's chance via Online. Hopeless. Crying doesnt solved my dissapointment nor change my answers into better tho.

And waiting for the result is the thing that i hate the most. Everyone hates waiting, do you?
Oh yes, of course i'm not forget to mention that this is not Ujian Nasional that creep me out and always be my nightmare. It is just,another try out. The last try out before Ujian Nasional.

What is the date for Ujian Nasional actually?

H-1.

I'm still creating some sets on polyvore when my alarm is ringing. I'm typing here after trying to wear my facial mask as neat as posible but the result is just big far from neat. I'm looking up my acer's old screen laptop while waiting for my warm water and listening to she & him.

My mask is dry already and my warm water is ready to wash my face. Brand New Shoes by she&him is playing while i almost finish this post.

H-1. Ujian Nasional, you're not even a ghost that i've to scare for. But please, kindly give me back my fresh brain that never think some random thoughts again.

Wish me luck.

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Scumbag TO2

The result has been out. The result is jgsdhjgeafuwhfuwvurwufnfucktothemuch. Idk what to say and i'm really sad dissapointed and depressed. Oh dear Adani y u so stupid ha? you've got a really bad score. Worst score,ever. You're not passed! And you're just slow and relax about that? Omg. What have you done? AAAAAAAAA what should i do? Crying is not enough to express my mixed feelings. Crying is not solved anything to good. Idk but i just doing that anyway.

I'm depressed,you know? I'm stressed out. Oh God whats wrong with u Adani? and what am i typing right now? and what ewfbygrncxaiheijifjohiaxkjmijdshbuvfehwuihwivjwovjmwrovmjowjvolwmeonjhvuhfdsgvrneahgkeurbgkiubngiuwhagiowjnximhreguimhumhihamcsujhescdi8trnehq7sw8ncguinxuhcimhcxunmdsrrmxq3jsbuzhrf idk what to type more to explain how is my mood and my condition right now.

Here i'm typing all this crap. Dear world why u so fucking unfair right now.

Secretly happy

When...he whispered some words through my ears.

Good (for my soul)

I'm listening to Andrea Harihandoyo and Sonic People's songs again lately after almost 2 years. Haha could you believe it ha? yeah i know, i acctually don't have to wait until a year or more for listening again. I dont have problem with my ipod too,until now.

I'm just scared. Ya. Scared. Simple stupid reason. You know,listening to their album is acctually brings back 2010's memories and it just hurt me. It is hurt to remember again. Not because i've sad memories, just because i've to face the reality that i couldn't back to that memorable time again. The old school, friends, places, stupid crush, galau time, spamming, and also this little blog.

Yeah, this is it. I remember those moments again. Want to crying, want to screaming out loud. And now or whenever i hear the songs there's one thing i never,ever couln't forget; a golden pasts.

But ya ppl, i'm hurt already, again and again, so i do't have to be scare again.

'But save, my good memories
Save, i'm begging please'


Andre Harihandoyo and Sonic people, The Breakup.

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Sunday Morning

No my-photos-sharing. Its been a first week of school and i'm totally tired. Tired of homeworks,old feeling, old memories, and always being labile. I'm damn tired you know. I hadn't enough sleep time, and always hard to sleep. I had a zombie faces every morning. I sleep with my uniform until the next day. I always promise myself to get dilligent but thats all is just a bullshit. I keep lazy. I just say a lying promises. I still not work fast and done all of my school-things.

And all of old memories. Gosh can i want my old memories back? i hate some things that changed 180 degrees. You. Yes,you. You were my best friend ever but now you just a stranger. I hate this time! I hate you and every little thing about you. I just want the old you. I just want my April 2011. I just want your old sweet text again,that always gives strength and spirit. I just want you to take care my books and keep read it until now. But yeah, i think my books is just a worst things in your house. I understand that.

And i'm sure you've know me enough that i'm a labile person and a big drama queen. Now,2012 is begin with a tears.

Reread.

" I'm a believer of "passion", but at the same time, I do think that "passion" should be balanced. I disagree with the thinking that if you're into arts, then you don't need to study maths. Or if you've managed to run a business even before you graduate, then there's no point of finishing school or university. Life should be balanced. Like day and night. Like fiction and fantasy. Practice goes well with theories. Sometimes, we abuse the idea of "passion" that we neglect the fact that in life, it's not always about you. And even when it's about you, you need to be complete. Don't use "passion" as an excuse to miss out on other things life has to offer. Don't just live in your own passion-bubble and not touch other worlds. Be out there and stay current. "

- Diana Rikasari

10th January

Page 10 of 365
Monday, 10th January 2011.

First awesome day of school. Never forgot how it feels been a new student in a different school.

Page 10 of 366.
Tuesday, 10th January 2012.

First year of school. Abstract. Hard to explain. Worst.

Quick (curhat) Words

Yeahahaha. Here i am,writing this with my low batt ipod and college's wifi. Accompany my brother's debate learning. Hear every body's talking with foreign accent. Hear for things i dont even understand what is it.

Yeah,i'm in Bandung now for vacation....i think. I'm so excited. Oh yeah i'm so excited. Hahaha.

I feel like alien. The end.