Hiatus

.

sudah banyak cerita yang hanya berujung sebatas draft yang menumpuk di tumpukan posts usang.

sudah banyak cerita yang lebih parahnya, hanya menguap dan berujung di angan untuk hanya sekedar dituliskan.

Lebih tepatnya, terlalu banyak cerita.

Masih banyak mimpi yang belum ditumpahkan, masih banyak sendu yang menyita banyak waktu untuk dipikirkan secara rumit, bukannya diselesaikan dan dibuat lebih sederhana.

Kosong.

Adani belum bertumpu, belum menemukan waktu yang tepat untuk menyandarkan segalanya. Sekarang yang mungkin bisa Adani lakukan adalah mencari bahagia, entah sampai kapan. Dan bersyukur, dan berdoa, untuk semua duka.

Oh iya, Adani pengen undangan Fakultas Ilmu Sosial dan Ilmu Politik Universitas Brawijaya deh.

:).

Disukai orang yang belum move on itu, sakit.
Disukai orang yang punya masa lalu begitu indah, itu menantang untuk memperjuangkan hari ke depannya.

Kalau kemarin orang orang bilang itu pelarian, mungkin baru sekarang ia mengibarkan bendera putihnya dan berani bilang, "Iya, bener kayaknya cuma dibuat pelarian."

Jadi, apa benar adanya jika pepatah bilang jikalau ada orang pertama dan kedua kita harus memilih orang kedua, karena jika kita memilih orang pertama tidak akan mungkin ada kehadiran orang kedua yang membuat kita jatuh hati juga?

Pembuktian. Ia butuh pembuktian, bentuk pernyataan yang jujur dan tulus, yang keluar dari pergerakan bibir anda sendiri.

Bukan hanya sandiwara pecundang yang menganggap semua ini baik baik saja tanpa masalah, hubungan yang lama dan akan selalu terlalui baik baik saja, seperti akhir cerita dongeng sebelum tidur.

Bukan jua hanya janji semu, bukan jua milyaran kata kata manis yang terlalu usang untuk diucapkan.

April.

After a few months in 2013, i've discovered that months with an even number are seems heavy. Seeing from my last february which is full of melodrama, now we arrived in April.

But i'd never thought that April would be this heavy and difficult, eventhough its still a week.


It was really, such a nightmares that i dont want to see everyday. Everything which is a sources of my felicity turns a dark and creepy nightmares, somehow. I like, i do really like to do what i want to do. But school and all of fucking activities inside 'em seems like having a big trouble with me recently.

I might sounds sooo childish and badly not be thankful. Friends, seniors, relationship, subjects, home, and all of every part of them drive me crazy. i'm just an ordinary yet a poor little girl, who has no power to be strong easily, who crying easily when thinking about all of her problems, who can't handled this overwhelming sensitivity by herself, who has a bitch feelings may be. i feeling like my brain already filled up with this fucking unimportant shits, and if my brain could be crack maybe it already now, with exploding all of this sucks things.

i dont even understand what am i doing and typing right now. i'm just craving for my felicity back.
Fuck u, April. can i skip you, please?

Untweet

Because if you were a smoker, i'd better be your ciggarates.

I'm trying so hard to stop, but i just couldn't every time i heard this sensitive statement.

I may not your beauty queen, but i may be your full time lover.

I'm sorry, i love you.

Place I'll Never Be

This is written while i'm waiting for my messages on blackberry messenger to be delivered. Damn you, pending.

Counting hours and days, it's been one week already. I'm not a kind person who counting something yet just let it flow acctually, but since you were come every simple thing just sounds wonderful and bright my dailies, and just so sad to be forgotten.

I do really confused which one do i have to start writing about. This is so corny, pardon me for that.

So, you save a graffiti picture on my last post right? You know that i damn love to seeing graffities over a streetwall.

You said i'm good at writing because my corny note about you. Today you were ask me to write something again, so this is for you then.

It just seven days ago since you come to my house and said that sweet things, but idk how come i feel there's so much things already happened.

You. A new person who makes me down into your world banly. A person who makes such controversial. A person that i already describe on my corny note, and makes me desperately ashamed because you read that.

You, with your funny attitudes that can't stop makes me laughing a lot. You, and all of your sweet words. You, who keep asking and begging to pick me up every morning to school, even we're all know that our house were so far. You, who truly wake up early just to pick me up and make sure i'm not late going to school. You, who show me a really wonderful scenery along the lonely street in our way to school. You, and all of your silly things which makes me wondering how come i could interesting with this person.

You might not realize this, but everyone keep asking how come you with me when everyone knows you like someone else. No, i'm not trying to show my worries. Oh no, yes i do. I might be seems don't care but i'm a deep thinker. 'Kok bisa ya sama Adani' or 'kok Adani mau sih' and all of shits like that. The truth is, i worry if you just play on my feelings because i'm not really know about your past.

But then you make a note on your blackberry, and tell me the history. God, why do i found a sweet person like you-_- you said you can't writing but all of your sweet words just make me so speechless. That note is becomes my moodbooster now, really.

With all of your overheard bad thoughts, i'm trying to like and accept you for who you are. I feel the way you treat me and i do believe you did the same thing, accept me for who i am. It still seven days but i think you were true with your feelings, and i hope i'm not falling into a dark holes. Even people keep asking and wondering, just let them keep doing that while everything we did just be our hidden story.

Thank you for the sweet note, my name that you called everytime, for wake up early to pick me up and late waiting for take me home. Thank you for always be true to who you are, and makes me comfortable to be who i am.

I might looks usual, but just let you know that i do hope you'll never get bored of me and for everything we did. Keep accompany me walking or even running through my dreams, keep by my side when i'm in my lowest point. And keep accept me for who i am.

The title was a song by Adhitia Sofyan, because you were a place that hard to describe and a place that i'll never be.

But i run to the place i'll never be, until it change become my unreplace point. We still have so many hours and chances, don't we?

M

All i want is having a simple felicity by seeing some graffities along the wall.

And take some pictures by my fisheye lomography camera.

And spend much time together.

With you, with you.

That Vintage Pantovel

Katanya, 4 hari lagi Adani bakalan dilantik. Setelah dilantik, bakalan ada lidah di seragam Adani.

Kalo Adani nanti udah mau dilantik Adani pengen seragam baru ya, 2 buah. Sama rok sekolah Adani, yang warna putih & abu-abu juga. Masa mau ptpdl senior Adani pake seragam usang deh? Kan biar bagus juga seragam Adani waktu dipasang lidah senior.

Oh iya, dari hari pertama Adani pengen banget punya fantovel kayak yang dipake kak Alicia, salah satu senior Adani. Adani baru sadar, itu fantovelnya paskot ya? Bagus. Gold gesper, vintage gitu. Pasti bakalan keren dan anggun kalo setiap hari sekolah Adani bisa pake sepatu sekolah kaya gitu. Erm, kalo gak harus paskot dulu bisa gak ya pake sepatu kaya gitu? Paskot berat banget kayanya. Adani takut gak kuat mental sama fisiknya. Bayar utang psb sama lari komplek tugu aja ngeluhnya udah kaya mau mati.

Beberapa hari yang lalu, senior Adani menawarkan diri untuk ngadain latian persiapan paskot. Adani pengen banget semangat ngikutin latihannya, walaupun udah sore sore ditambah penat beban pikiran dan tenaga habis sekolah. Adani baru ikut latian paskot sekali sih, tapi kok nggak semangat ya?

Tepat hari Kamis lalu,senior bilang kalo seleksi paskot dipercepat jadi tanggal 24 Februari, belum sama ngambil formulir & apply pendaftarannya. Loh, tanggal 24 Februari bukannya New Year Fiesta ya? Adani kan osis. Adani pasti panitia dong, jadi nggak bisa ngapa ngapain ya? gak bisa ikut seleksi paskotnya ya?

Adani lari ke kamar mandi.  Adani mulai nangis sesenggukan, dimana ketika Adani sudah mengumpulkan niat yang kuat untuk mulai mempunyai mimpi, tiba-tiba saja semua hangus terhapus.

Hari ini, senior memberikan informasi tentang pra seleksi paskot, pengambilan map mulai tanggal 14 Februari dan lampiran lampirannya yang harus dilengkapi. Tapi kenapa Adani gak semangat nulisnya ya? bukannya itu informasi yang penting? oh iya. Kan udah terhapus ya. Ngapain juga semangat semangat lagi. Udah jatuh dan lumpuh seketika kan.

Sore ini, euforia hari Kamis kemarin masih tetap sama. Untuk kali ini, sekolah Adani tidak seramah seperti dulu yang pernah ada.

Seperti pagar sekolah yang akhirnya tertutup hari ini, impian sederhana Adani hilang satu lagi.